I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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