Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
