True but thats because hes a fetus.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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