I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
