just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
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Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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