I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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