I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
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I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
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We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
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