I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
