Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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