remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
