I cannot find my penis.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
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I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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