His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
