is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
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Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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