Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize