I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
