She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
