I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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