Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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