i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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