Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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