As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
