I have demons in me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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