wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my being single is dangerous.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
