My first STD was from a foam party
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hippo gnu deer
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Randomize
