So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize