i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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