Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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