whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
