I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We left the knife in your bed.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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