And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
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Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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