It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
