so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
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Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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