I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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