i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
