Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
