somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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