Porn is love you can see.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
