i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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