My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
