i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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