Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
