i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
