I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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