Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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