That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
