I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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