my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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