to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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