i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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