I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
