Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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