you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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