I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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