ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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