You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
