We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
