My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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