Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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