theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
pop tarts are not kleenex
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
