Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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