Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
